Dementia Care Insights

Q: What do I do when my loved one keeps saying they want to go home to be with their mom, even though they are home and their mom passed away years ago?

A: This is one of the hardest moments. You’re not alone in this.

Even though the words are clear, the meaning underneath them may not be.

When someone living with dementia says they “want to go home,” they may not be talking about a physical place. They may be expressing a feeling- wanting comfort, safety, familiarity, or connection.

The response that feels supportive will be different for every person. The key is knowing your person and understanding what might bring them a sense of comfort.

Start by gently reflecting what you hear: “Ah… you want to go home.”

Then get curious: “Is there something about home you’re missing?”

If they can’t tell you more and simply repeat, “I just want to go home,” that’s okay. You can meet them where they are: “Got it. You just want to go home.”

From there, instead of trying to convince them that they are already home, try connecting with the feeling behind those words. What does “home” mean to them?

For some people, home might mean a favorite chair, a familiar song, a cup of coffee or tea, a certain routine, a meaningful object, or the feeling of being cared for.

For example, if you know your loved one finds comfort in their afternoon tea routine, you might say:

“For me, when I get home, I like to make myself a warm cup of tea. Either English Breakfast or Chamomile. How about you? Do you prefer English Breakfast tea or Chamomile tea?”

(Wait for their reply.)

Then you might continue: “Hmmm… talking about tea, I think I’m going to make myself a cup. You seem to know about making a good cup of tea. I could use your help. Let’s head to the kitchen and see what teas we have.”

You are not ignoring what they said.
You are listening for the feeling underneath the words.

And that’s often where connection begins. When we get curious about the true meaning behind the words.